12.02.2017

The Post-SPM phase | I graduated?

Jelitawan OSIZAL (JELO) 2017 graduation photo❤
When SPM ended, it meant that I'm officially a secondary school graduate, right? Does that mean I already graduated, or I will only graduate when the SPM result is known? Whatever, whatever, no matter what, I hereby declare that I'm no longer a secondary school student. I am a free, unemployed happy girl (not that I wasn't happy before).

Um, hello people! It's been a long time. I kind of forget how it felt to blog, and my brain is still slow in producing ideas when I write, so please bear with this post.

When I meet people I know these days, the first question they ask me will be how was SPM?

My answer is: SPM was great. The key is always revising. If you did revision in all topics or at least pay attention in classes, then no matter how hard the question is, you will somehow get an idea on how to answer the questions. Even the Bahasa Sanskrit question in Sejarah too, which was an unexpected question (note to future SPM candidates: DO. NOT. TRUST. RAMALAN. QUESTIONS). SPM also taught us to always prepare for the unexpected because there are some questions that we're not prepared for such as Biology Paper 3, which required us to make our own experiments. SPM was great, I did the best I could, and although my confidence is really on the lowest point right now, I hope it will turn out great. 

The graduation day was a week before SPM and I bet you that we already predicted what SPM would do to us but we were blind to the signs.
It has been 4 days since the last day I met my friends, and I already miss them. My brain is slow in translating my feelings; during the last day I was with them, I didn't even cry. However, when I saw them posting pictures on Instagram, I teared up a bit. Maybe a lot. I didn't sob but I did cry. When I once said that there's nothing I'll miss about school, I totally lied. What will I miss the most about school?

5 Muslim of course 💕 I miss the class already. I miss our class teacher, Miss Suseyltah. And I miss these weirdos too (look at how they pose, look me in the eye and say they're not weird at all. their poses showed who they truly are). I'm thankful for all the times we had, good and bad. I'll miss breaking 'the stair rules' with the other girls.
PRS family 💖 I have been one of this family for almost 5 years and I succeeded in going through ups and downs with this family. For that, I'm thankful. PRS will always have a special place in my heart and I'll always be one of them, no matter where I am.
I was not in this picture. Only the Economy stream students were in this picture, and I can't find any other decent OSIZAL picture in my storage, so I chose this picture. I'll miss my batchmates, OSIZAL too. For all the good and bad things we've gone through since we were form 1, I am proud of where we are now. Congratulations, OSIZAL, for everything. I'll always love you guys (especially JELO. our picture is up there).
My crush is a great human being Nope. Not going there. Never. 

Enough with the appreciation speeches. So, moving on to the answer of the next obvious question: What will you do after SPM? Will you work, or what?

1. I will learn to drive and have my license. Truth is, by the time this post is uploaded, I'm at the driving academy already. My Ma is very fast, you know. She figured that next year, she might need a driver for my brothers to go to school. I'm quite nervous right now when I'm writing this because I don't know what to expect for tomorrow. I hope it'll go well.

Ma said my face looks excited. I'm not, I'm nervous.
2. I will find work. My teacher offered me a work as penjaga koperasi next year and I'm not sure if I want to be one, because I don't want to meet people at school, and be at the school 😅 I'm going to find another job, but if I can't find one, penjaga koperasi it is.

3. Read a lot of books. Self explanatory. 


So, that's how my post-SPM phase is currently going. Since SPM already ended for me, and will officially end soon, I hope that all SPM candidates stop stressing about the result too much. Enjoy the holiday, and do some things that will help you in the future. Do something beneficial during the holiday, but please have a lot of rest too. Keep praying for the best, never stop praying and put your trust in fate (so easy to say but it's so hard to do).

No one knows what changes, big or small, lie ahead. One thing is certain, our journey's not over.
- Plio (Dinosaur, 2000)

P.S. What are/were the things that you'll do/you had done during the post-SPM phase? Mind sharing?

Love,
Afifah Nabila. xo

8.22.2017

the sick feeling in my stomach & I need your opinion

credit

Hello. It's been a while. I am busy with the preparation for SPM right now, but I need to get things off my chest and ask your opinion about what I'm currently feeling (maybe?). This post won't be useful to everyone, but I will really appreciate it if you're willing to read this post until the end and let me know your thoughts about it.


1. Is it okay to be nice to people I'm not really comfortable with and I want to run away from? 

Reading the question I just typed down, it sounds so ridiculous. Of course it's okay to be kind and nice to people, no matter how we hate them. The problem with me is, when I'm acting nice to them, I don't feel like myself. I feel like I'm being the biggest hypocrite ever, and I hate hypocrisy. I need to put up an act whenever I face the person/people and as much as I want to run away, I can't. I'll feel guilty. But then, when I walk with them, I feel this sick feeling in my stomach and I hate that.


2. Is it okay to just let my brother do as he please?

I was so far from a goody-two-shoes when I was their age. I broke rules too, and I locked myself up in my room too doing whatever I want and shutting the outside world. I'm not much older, but I'm their big sister and I always feel the need to protect them from doing things that might bring bad things to them in the end, and protect my family's name. My brother is going to have his PT3 this year and I don't even know if he already prepare for it because we don't talk much these days. Whenever I ask him where will he go after PT3, he said he doesn't know and I am so so so so so worried guys. I didn't know which path would I take when I was sitting for PT3 too, but I can't help myself from being scared for him.


3. Last but not least, is it okay that me myself doesn't know which path I should take after SPM?

When I ask my mother about this, she'll say "Just focus on your SPM now, don't worry about the afters." But guys, I can't help but wonder whether it's okay to be this way right now. Is it okay that I'm not sure whether I want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or other things I want to be? I still have a lot of ambitions and I don't know what should I be and to be honest, not having an ambition is not motivating me to study at all.


I know that most of my blog readers are older than me, so can you please let me know your thoughts about my confusions? Please?

Lots of love,
Afifah Nabila. xoxo

7.21.2017

Solitude | a poem to describe my day



Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.


- Ella Wheeler Wilcox


P.S. I hate myself these past weeks. I'm being oversensitive over simple things, it's so irrational and so not me. It's meanie and quite b*tchy. And no matter how much I feel guilty about me being a meanie, I keep doing it over and over again. Oh, and I eat too much too. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's SPM. But it's very irrational.

Love,
Pypaa. xx

6.08.2017

The love that you deserve | a short post



"You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you're doing, where you are, who you're with and if you're OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing-on-air happy. Someone who should have taken the chance to be with you years ago instead of becoming scared and being too afraid to try."

I want to talk about this quote, but I find nothing to be talked about. So just read, and let the words speak to you.

Lots of love for this book and the movie adaptation. I don't think I'll ever be bored of the movie, this is my comfort book/movie and one of the books/movies that can make me cry and cry again no matter how much I've read/watch them. It's amazing, wonderful and hold a special place in my heart.

P.S. I posted a book review for 'Love, Rosie' a while ago. In case if you want to know more about it, you may check them out 😊

Lots of love,
Pyps.

5.24.2017

The Blue Sky Tag


Hello guys :) How was your week? Is it great? I hope it's going well and you're in a happy state. As for me, it has been a hectic week, what with the forum competition, my upcoming exam, and the upcoming camping festival (yes, a camping festival. what school organize a camping festival?). I've been busy, I feel like I can't breathe at all. This is life.

So, in April, I was tagged by Afifah Addnan. Then, not so long after that, I was tagged by Tqa London. Thank you to both of you for tagging me, I really love doing tags and I'm sure that I'll enjoy answering these questions😄


The Rules:

1. Thank the person who tagged you.
2. Answer their 11 questions.
3. Tag 11 people (I'm 80% sure that the people that I tag wouldn't reach 11)
4. Give them 11 questions to answer (And this. I love answering, but I'm never a good questioner)


The Questions (Afifah Addnan's):

1. What was the last movie you watched?


I re-watched one of the Harry Potter movies, I'm not really sure which one. My little brothers are binge watching them and I join them a lot of times (and spoil a lot of parts to them). I should not ruin the magical world of Harry Potter for my brothers but I can't help myself. 


2. What are you trying to achieve with your blog?

I just want to write a lot of posts that can people can relate to and help them. More towards writing posts with good quality. I can't set my goals too high right now, since I have commitments to much bigger things (SPM, school, and things).


3. Do you think that you are someone with sense of humor?

I hope so, but I'm not. A lot of things that are funny to me are not funny to other people and I find a lot of things that people find funny not as funny. Only my brothers and best friends get my sense of humor. I always need to explain people the meaning behind my jokes so that's that. Maybe you can tell me how to be funnier? I'm serious, help me.


4. Imagine 10 years ago. How does that make you feel about yourself now?

I was 6, and for some reasons, that was the age of my first year of primary school. I was bullied back then, and it was horrible because I trusted the person who bullied me. I swear, the bully still somehow affects me to these day, but I'm much better. I know how to walk away from the toxic people and I'm much braver in expressing my feelings and myself. I'm proud of myself. My 6 years old self would be inspired by me haha.


5. How would your friend describe you?


Yup, I took a quiz for this. I don't know if it's true, though. I wanted to ask my friends about this, but they are at hostel and I'm home and they don't have phones with them, hence the quiz.

6. Do you have hobbies that others might find unusual?

I love doing DIY and journaling and a lot of friends find that unusual. I'm not really good with art, DIY is the least I can do.


7. Have you done anything illegal?

Although it's nothing big, I think that downloading things illegally is awfully wrong. If I place myself in the shoes of people whose works are illegally used by community, I would be really disappointed too. However, I still download things illegally. I don't think I'll ever stop. At least not until I become a millionaire who is able to buy anything I want so easily.

8. If you ended up being a prisoner, what likely to be the reason?


For talking about the things that I should never talk about. The topics that my friends and I sometimes discuss are the sensitive things that might get me imprisoned. Or maybe because I join the rebellions. 

9. What most likely the thing that will get you angry?

When the only thing I want is to be heard, but instead, the person I'm talking to isn't paying attention or listening to me. I feel invisible. Most of the time, I try to reason that other person's act, but when that person does it too many times to me, I won't bother to listen to him/her for days.

10. How do you handle yourself when you are angry?

I cry and listen to every emo songs I have in my playlist. And then, I'll sleep. Or if I'm angry when I'm in public, I'll just take out my notebook and write everything down. It keeps me from expressing my anger to the wrong person.

11. Best thing to eat when you are angry?



Cakes. Preferably chocolate-cheese flavored cake. It's so yummy. Oh now I'm hungry😶


The Questions (Tqa London's):



1. What was your first thought about my blog?

The first three things I look at when I visit a blog is the header, the 'about me' section and I observe the color combination. My first thought was, I love how this blog looks like! I'm not lying. I did love how your blog looks like. I love the header, although it's simple but it's in black and pink color combination, which I adore.


2. What hobby would you get into if time and money weren't an issue?

I would travel (no surprise there) everytime I'm in a holiday. I'm a student now, an SPM candidate and I literally have no time. I'm also penniless, if it weren't for my parents supporting me until this day. However, I watched a lot of movies and dramas and shows, and I read tons of books and the places where they set really made me curious and my heart screams to go outside of this town.


3. What fictional place would you most like to go? 



My Hogwarts letter is coming too late, maybe I should go there myself to ask Dumbledore about it.


4. What songs have you completely memorized?

I'm music trash. I was exposed to music since I was a little kid, and I love it so much since. I memorized a lot of Indonesian songs, from the oldies to the 2014 Indonesian songs (I stop listening to Indonesian songs since then because they all sound the same to me). My all-time-favorites are Hati Yang Luka, Dealova, Cinta Ini Membunuhku, Gelas-gelas Kaca, Ya Sudahlah, Ada Apa Denganmu and more (I can probably talk about this forever). My current favorite songs that I already memorized are City Of Stars and Attention. Oh but the song that excited me the most when I memorized it was Bole Chudiyan (Kabhie Kushi Kabhie Gham OST).


5. What game or movie universe would you most like to live in?



I was going to say the wizarding world, but since I mentioned that in question no. 3, I decided to choose Wonderland. The world is so weird and magical, and I totally love the universe of the movie.


6. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should?

A specific channel for advertisements. My brother and I talk about this a lot of times, and we agree that Malaysia needs a specific channel, only for advertisements. Although it might seem boring, and nobody would watch it, it's so convenient, because then, we wouldn't need to waste our time having to watch the advertisements in between watching a TV show. TV3 totally took 30 minutes just for the same advertisements guys, it's really inconvenient.


7. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without?

Spotify Premium. It's just RM14 something a month, but I'm a student, and I have a lot more things I can buy with the monthly fee. It's considered as a luxury too, right? However, I don't think I can live without it, although I'm now living without it. I subscribed for it 3 months or so, and fell in love with the app. How could I not, when I can listen to high quality music, offline, and various choice of music, and some podcasts that I absolutely love?


8. What's worth spending more on to get the best?

For me, it's skincare. Since my skin is acne prone due to my weird teenage hormones, I spend a lot of money for skincare. I hate hating my own skin! I want to be comfortable in my own skin, so whenever I get some money, I must use some of them to buy skincare, be it facial cleanser or moisturizer or toner with the same or different brand I used the month before. Skincare is the fourth thing I spend money most on after books, prepaid reloads and foods. Ugh the struggle.


9. What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don't get a point of?

Musically. And Vine. I live in the generation that love these kind of things, and I join my friends watching Musically and Vine videos for so many times but I still don't get the point of it. Doing Youtube, and vlogging everyday, yes, I do get the point of that. But Vine, and Musically? I never get the point of loving these things and I'll never try to. I don't hate it, I just don't get the point of it.


10. Tell me about someone you envy.

I'm not really the type of person to envy someone else. Of course I envy someone with a perfect life, perfect people surrounding him/her, perfect job/school and et cetera. But that's normal, right? I just hope I wouldn't have to envy anyone, I know how dangerous envy can be.

11. What is the weirdest thing you have seen in someone else's home?

I'm pretty sure I once went into someone else's house and saw something that wasn't really a sofa, but not quite a bed and look a lot like surgical table. I don't know what it was, and I couldn't remember how it looked like because I saw it when I was around 4 or 5. The only thing I remember is the thing might be a sofa, a bed, both, or maybe a surgical table.


I post this a bit later than I thought I would, but still, I posted it! It's a big success for me. Another 5 posts to be finished before I leave this blog for a while, for good. I need to focus, and this blog is too distracting. I enjoy doing this tag, thank you again for tagging me😄 

Love,
Pypaa. xoxo

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